The #1 mistake parents make with praise (VIDEO)

Does your child give up easily? It could be because of a common parenting mistake.

Ethan's parents constantly told him how brainy he was. The wiry son of a highly educated professor in Seattle, Ethan was indeed smart. Every time he sailed through a test, his parents would say, "You're so smart! You can do anything, Ethan. We are so proud of you." Sounds nice. Sounds encouraging, right?

Wrong. Little Ethan quickly learned that any academic achievement that required no effort was the behavior that defined his gift. His parents, with the best of intentions, consistently tethered Ethan's accomplishments to some vague, innate characteristic. Researchers call this "appealing to fixed mindsets."

When Ethan hit junior high school, he ran into subjects that did require effort. He could no longer sail through; for the first time, he started making mistakes. Ethan had no idea what to do when he failed, except to conclude that he must not be smart anymore. He got discouraged, then depressed. Quite simply, Ethan quit trying, and his grades collapsed. Research shows that Ethan's unfortunate story is typical of kids regularly praised for some fixed characteristic.

Research shows a simple solution. Certainly, scientists don't know everything about the brain. But what we do know gives parents their best chance at raising smart, happy children. What should Ethan's parents have done?

Rather than praising him for being smart, they should have praised him for working hard. On the successful completion of a test, they should not have said, "I'm so proud of you. You're so smart." They should have said, "I'm so proud of you. You must have really studied hard." Big difference. This appeals to your child's controllable effort rather than to mysterious, unchangeable talent. It's called "growth mindset" praise.

More than 30 years of study show that children raised in growth-mindset homes consistently outscore their fixed-mindset peers in academic achievement. There's more detail about why in my new book, "Brain Rules for Baby: How to Raise a Smart and Happy Child from Zero to Five."

Children with a growth mindset tend to:
• Have a refreshing attitude toward failure. They do not ruminate over their mistakes.
• Perceive errors simply as problems to be solved. "I love a challenge," is one delightfully common statement.
• Spend more time on problems--and solve those problems more often, too. Kids regularly praised for effort solve 50% to 60% more hard math problems than kids praised for intelligence.

Because they believe mistakes occur from of lack of effort, not from a lack of ability, the kids know exactly how to remedy mistakes: simply apply more effort.

You can watch this in action in the following video, from brainrules.net:


More parenting videos detail key insights from the book, from how to deal with temper tantrums to the surprising "cookie test."

The Parent Quiz (VIDEO)

Parents need facts, not just advice, about raising their children. Too bad those facts are difficult to find in the ever-growing mountain of parenting books. And blogs. And message boards, and podcasts, and mothers-in-law, and every relative who's ever had a child. There's plenty of information out there. It's just hard for parents to tell what to believe.

That's why I wrote "Brain Rules for Baby: How to Raise a Smart and Happy Child from Zero to Five." It's based on science that most parents (unless they subscribe to scientific journals) don't get a chance to see. The great thing about science is that it takes no sides -- and no prisoners. Once you know which research to trust, the big picture emerges and myths fade away. To gain my trust, research must first have been published in the refereed literature and then successfully replicated.

Scientists certainly don't know everything about the brain. But what we do know gives parents their best chance at raising smart, happy children.

Surprises in "Brain Rules for Baby" include:

• Why men should do more household chores
• What you do when emotions run hot profoundly affects how your child turns out
• Why you shouldn't praise your kid's intelligence
• The amount of TV kids under two should watch
• The best predictor of academic performance

Know the answers? Test yourself in the video "The Parent Quiz." In the first half, you'll watch a dad, Michael, deal with the baby crying, the wife sighing, and the goldfish dying. In the second half, I give a "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?"-style quiz:


More videos detail key insights from the book, from how to deal with temper tantrums to the benefits of breast-feeding.

Nature and nurture may be split 50-50. But there's a great deal parents can do with the influence they have.

More content:
Watch Part One "Parenting Fail?"
Watch Part Two "The Parent Quiz"
Brain Rules for Baby on Facebook
Happy baby - How to head off temper tantrums